As we discussed, Brad Pitt’s 27-year-old girlfriend Nicole Poturalski, aka Nico Mary, had a special message to her Instagram followers: “Happy people don’t hate.” A sentiment of such meaning and depth from a wannabe Instagram influencer who mostly takes sad selfies in her institutional-looking bedroom. As I said, I actually like Nico Mary. I think she’s a burst of fun, chaotic energy for Brad. She lives online, she’s married, she has a thing for much older men, and she gives off hustler vibes. I want her to succeed in life. I want Brad to have to pay her to go away.

So, I was already finding the whole Nico Mary saga hilarious – she was literally following stan IG accounts comparing her (favorably) to Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie. And then she does the “coy” Instamodel thing, “happy people don’t hate,” because clearly we’re all haters and she and Brad have a real love connection and none of this is tacky or shady at all. Then she actually started responding to some of the comments on her IG. This is priceless:

I mean… LOL. This is what Brad Pitt gets! He wanted some young, hot girlfriend, an “Angelina Jolie look-alike,” a Cool Girl in her 20s, and this is what he gets. A married hustler who lives on social media. There have been comparisons to this situation and Leonardo DiCaprio’s parade of under-25 girlfriends. I think I actually have a little bit more respect for Leo – he must give his girlfriends a handout with the rules for social media and giving interviews. Brad half-assed the prep on this Girlfriend Rollout and it shows.

Photos courtesy of Nico’s IG.

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